06 May 2015


I'm going to surprise the bloggy world and tell everyone right off the bat that this post is not about LOTR.

Now that I've got that off my chest, I also have to get something else out before I forget. Not that I actually would forget because Treskie is the Besttttt and I love her, but SHE HOLDETH A GIVEAWAY. GO LOOK SEE. The problem here is that telling you guys about this on my blog is sort of a double agent thing because I get another extra entry, but at the same time, I make my chances slimmer because all you guys know about it now and will enter. -_- ;-)

Okay. Now I'm going to slip my headphones on, turn Josh Garrel's new album, Home, up loud, and get going on this post.

Last night was my last night of Bible Study before I leave to go work at camp for the summer. Bittersweet is a good word, because I'm stoked for camp, but over the course of the four weeks I went to Bible Study, something lovely was built.

How incredible it is to simply be in the presence of a group of young people who are on fire for God, dedicating themselves to studying the Bible and to dig deeper than "mainstream Christianity" would have them.

I'm going to admit right now, it was hard for the first two weeks. Being so painfully shy, I would come home fighting tears because I was so frustrated with being a wallflower, not being able to participate in discussion because I felt like my thoughts weren't good enough or just because I was too embarrassed to talk at all. So I prayed. I prayed hard, man. I was like, "God, please change me into an extrovert." Because extroverts are the cool ones, right? They're the ones that just make you feel accepted and loved because they are good at talking and sharing their lives and all that good stuff.

You want to know what God's answer was constantly?

I love you.

Okay, thanks God, but as for what we were actually discussing....how does next Tuesday sound for you on the whole total-Hannah-makeover?

I feel like you guys can all freely quote Eilonwy here: "Are you slow-witted? I'm sorry. It must be terrible to be dull and stupid." ;-)

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are well-acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord,
you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful to me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed me in my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there were none of them.
 -Psalm 139:1-16
My God did not slip when He was forming me, nor did He make a mistake when He designed my personality. And He loves me.
So I take a deep breath, and I go into Bible Study as all of my introverted, shy, frightened self.
One of the lovely young ladies was there, despite the fact that I was pretty early. It was guacamole night, so I dumped my avocados on the counter, and she, beautifully a natural leader, got me to work.
Task number 1: find a juicer. We found one, an old one that looked like it had been invented in the 1800s and not used at all for at least ten years, but we were going to just go with it. So we cut our limes and I began to juice them.
It was laughable, really. The juicer was a little too big for our little limes, and it was so not user friendly. I had to hold it in my left hand while grinding the lime with my right hand, trying to keep the little contraption steadily over the measuring cup that I was juicing into. We experimented with a few things to try to make it easier--squash the limes hard before cutting them, warming them up in the microwave for a bit--but it ended up being a whole lot of limes flying out of my hands and skittering over the floor, a whole lot of lime juice on my hands and on the counter, not very much lime in the measuring cup itself,
and a whole lot of laughter.
Fellowshipping over cooking (or any sort of service) is the best ever. There is kinship in every moment of failure and triumph, there is deep love in rolled up sleeves and standing side-by-side, chopping garlic and squeezing limes.
And when that cilantro smell seeps through every corner of the church kitchen, bonding happens real quick.
This is the image of the Wedding Feast, as close as we can get on this war-torn earth.

Wondering where I might begin
I hear a voice upon the wind
She's singing faint but singing true
"Son, there ain't nothing you can do
But listen close and follow me
I'll take you where you’re meant to be
Just don't lose faith."

So I put my hand upon the plow
Wipe the sweat up from my brow
Plant the good seed along the way
As I look forward to the day
When at last I'll see
My father run to me
singing, “Oh, my child."

Come on home
Home to me
And I will hold you in my arms
And joyful be

There will always, always be
A place for you
At my table
Return to me
-from "At the Table" by Josh Garrels
And behold, this is very good. May I never lose heart, knowing that God is with me, whether I be sitting behind the computer or overcoming fears at a Bible study. He is my stronghold, the shield of my help, the sword of my triumph.


  1. This post is powerful. I'm an extrovert, and extroverts are not always the cool ones, let me just say. I'm shy. Really shy. And even though that doesn't seem like it should go together - shyness and extrovert - that's me. And I have felt like crying many a time just because something went horrible. The words, words that could maybe make them laugh or agree yet could make them think me weird, are on the tip of my tongue and somehow they never make it outside. That passage in Psalms is so comforting. i don't know how many times I've sung "Jesus loves me", but when I think about it in those moments...that JESUS loves me... it takes on a whole new meaning.

    OK, now this comment is getting really long. Umm..yeah. It's just that this post was so very relatable for me.

    1. Autumn, thanks for the long reply! I love long comments. :-) I'm glad you liked the post. I'm also glad to hear it from an extrovert! That is so interesting that you are a shy extrovert! I think I'd like to meet you in person.

      I love that Psalm, and you know what? The funny thing is that I was going to just have the fearfully and wonderfully made part, and I went to my eSword (Bible on my computer) and looked it up so I could quote it exactly and I was just stunned by the entire chapter, so I had to copy out 1-16. It's incredible.

      And yeah--so easy to disregard or take for granted or just not fully let yourself understand what the fullness of Jesus loving us is.....yeah. It's amazing.

      Anyway, glad you liked it! Thanks for the lovely comment! :-)

  2. First of all, I loved that post and I want to give you a hug. So I am gonna. And that is that. *hugs!* Two. being an extrovert isn't all it is cracked up to be. I hope that is a comfort. I am a nervous extrovert though. I'm not totally at ease in a crowd and I tend to feel awkward and weird in a group of people. I am outgoing but I still feel nervous and shy sometimes. (Contrary to popular belief.) Almost everyone I know is an introvert. Then Again, I don't know many people... but maybe they're introvert-ness rubs off on me. ANYWAY.

    I love introverts.


    I love you


    Your blog is fabulous and I am glad you have had such a good time at Bible Study and were able to make friends even though you were the awkward potato.

    *knuckle-bump* Balalalalalalala

    1. Awwww. You are so incredibly sweet, you know that? I like hugs! *hug back* It's so funny that you guys are all like, "Being an extrovert is hard too!" and actually comforting. I'm glad extroverts aren't just always like, "BOOM PEOPLE I AM AMAZING" whenever they are around others. XD Though it always seems like you guys have it all together! Haha. Anyway, yeah, I love being around extroverts, it just scares me that they might hate being around me. ;-P

      I LOVE YOU TOOOOO! <3 Thanks for your comment. It made this awkward potato's day. *grin*

      *knuckle bump like Hiro*

  3. I LOVE YOU.


    I LOVE LOVE LOVE VLVOEOVLEVOELVOELVEOVLEVLOEOVLEVEL *gives up because who wants to spell "love" a thousand times XDDD* Just come to my house and I'll say love 100 times and you can keep track. XDD

    I'm gonna miss you.

    Which is really weird to say. Because we hardly ever see each other. But somehow, you being farther kind of hurts. It's like, "why can't I goooooooooooo" *cries all the tears* It ties into with me feeling left behind. All of it is just dumb and I should get over it (and I will) but yeah. I love you. *hugs*

    This post was amazing and I totally knew that Psalm and I knew that song was Josh Garrels. *high fives*

    And this comment is lame.

    Am I an introvert or extrovert? I think I'm both.... If that makes sense. I welcome people when they talk to me, but I just listen in groups. I don't like to speak out. *shrugs*

    This post was amazing, Hannah. <3 I loved it; even if my comment didn't show it. XD

    1. You crack me up. XD I LOVE YOU TOO CALLY GIRL.

      I'm going to miss you too. And I totally understand. And I wish you could go too because that would be EPICCCCCCC. And I will see you for at least HS camp so it's all good.

      That Psalm is just...woah. XD And so is that song. I LOVE that song. So good.

      Your comments are never lame ever.

      XD I think you're an introvert. But that's just what I see so I don't know. Because you are like me, I think. (since we are twins, obviously). But whatever you are, you are amazing. XD

      Thank youuuu. <3

  4. I'm not an extrovert, even though when I'm around friends I practically go around marching and yelling (mainly because we talk about the fandoms and the fandom much keep very much the conversation must be intense), but I love some extroverts-- they will sometimes make the effort to actually talk to you! And people think that introverts are just horrible but it's like:


    We are loud in our minds, man! God made us this way and no way am I going to want to change.

    xoxo Morning

    1. Introverts are awesome. ;-) It just takes us a longer time to think things through. I'm so much better at communicating through writing. It's just so much easier to process my thoughts on my own time I guess! :-O But yeah. Both extroverts and introverts are so awesome in their own ways, I just have to realize that God sees my merit too. :-) Thanks for the comment, Morning!


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