25 June 2016

10:00ish

via
It’s late and the city looks different.
Of course it does—our neon signs and traffic lights
Are nothing compared to the ball of fire in the sky.
Still, the brake lights spill like blood over the highway,
And it gets me thinking about grace,
About all the dreams that died on the way,
About all the stupid mistakes and mess ups—
I should focus on my driving.
I want to feel sad. I want to mourn again.
Or something, God, let something break through the hollow echo of my heartbeat
Thudding at a steady pace,
A dull rhythm to life
Moving
Forward.
Everything’s changing—
Does it ever stay steady?
Is it just when I look up that I realize with what speed I am hurtling through time
And the dizziness makes me sick and I—
I pull the wheel to stay in my lane.
I always dream that the light turns red
And I slam on my brakes, but feel no pressure under my foot,
And I lean back, as if I could pull a semi with my mortal strength,
And I hurtle into the intersection.
You can’t actually stop.
Every minute ticking by is me getting older,
Each motion is another step forward,
And each breath is another intake of grace.
So I stop fighting, and take a moment to let the wind rush through my hair,
And let the spatter of rain on my windshield be the only noise.
It’s as if, I think to myself in defeat,
It’s as if I’d forgotten how to pray.

            No!

I grip the wheel, I dig my nails into the rubber,
“God!” I say, and the Spirit groans the rest:
You
            Have
                        Never
                                    Abandoned
                                                            Me.
I want to cry, but I don’t need to—
I don’t need to feel it because I already know it.
I know it.
For let me tell you about my God.
When He hung on the cross, I don’t know what His emotions were doing,
But I know what He felt—
He felt a torn back, pierced hands and feet,
Thorns slicing into His forehead.
He felt the mockery, the jeers, the life slowly ebbing from His lungs
While every pore was screaming, “I love you, I love you, I love you!”
Soul, love Him back.
The best way to defeat darkness is turning on the light. 

18 comments :

  1. Kay this made me cry, Hannah. That was beautiful.

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    1. Awwwwww. <3 *hugs* Thanks Treskie. God is so good. So very good.

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  2. Ahhh...don't...have...words. Hannah, this is wonderful. I LOVE how everything you write is Christ-centered.

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    1. Thanks so much, Maggie! That's the way it ought to be. :-) I am so glad that Christ is shining through even my broken words. :-)

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  3. You always leave me speechless agh <3

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    1. That's the God part. Because He leaves me so speechless I run to my computer to type a poem. :-) Thanks for reading, Grace Anne!

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  4. MAN OH MAN. Christ hanging, JEHOVAH NISSI. Victory raised up. I cast down my face, for I do not feel victory. But it's not me. Not anymore. Help me. Love love love.

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  5. Beautiful, just beautiful! Especially those last bits... "every pore was screaming 'I love you...'" Amazing description there. <3

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    1. Thanks Andrea! :-) That means a lot. God is so very good. I can't say it enough.

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  6. floored & awed by God speaking through this post.
    also teared up at the end but that's okay, He's good & He loves me.

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    1. Floored and awed by the same... God is so faithful and His Spirit is who is doing the talking. I never expected this much love on this post--even considered not posting it at all, but I'm glad I did because I see the fruit of God working through it. Wow. Praising Jesus!

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  7. Hey Hannah! I featured this post on my Featured Friday post right here: http://spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com/2016/07/featured-friday-7116.html

    Allie D.
    www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
    www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
    www.sevenbloggersandtheirdolls.blogspot.com
    www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
    www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

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    1. Wow, thank you! That means a lot, Allie! :-) I'm honored. :-)

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  8. omg this is beautiful. I've only just found your blog and it is amazing. I love the header and your words are just gorgeous. This is definitely a blog I have to keep coming back to. xD

    // katie grace
    a writer's faith

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    1. Thank you so much, Katie Grace! That means a lot! God is good and He's the one with all the words. And I have to agree on the header--my good friend Treskie over at teresadelallo.blogspot.com drew it for me! She's incredible.

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  9. Woah. I'm trying to think of something to say, but just... /woah/.
    This is incredible.

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    1. Thank you. <3 Praise Jesus. I am so in awe that He keeps using my broken words.

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