16 October 2015

Rambling


It has been a long week. Not necessarily all the way in a bad way. I mean, I'll admit it, my fabulously awesomest best friend aka my sister moved out and that has taken its toll on my emotions. I keep thinking I hear her in the night (we shared a room for forever), breathing or moving, but then it's just like...earrings blowing off of the windowsill. 

Why I have a pile of earrings on the windowsill is debatable. 

Other than that, learning Chinese, man. It's hard. Like, I am terrible at learning languages. Half the time I am thinking to myself, Why on earth do I think that I can EVER learn this language? And the other half of the time I'm sweating over my accent marks and wishing that I knew how to read/write the language other than in pinyin (English characters. Well, barely English with all of the accent marks. I'm going insane.) But then I just have to go back to the reason WHY I am learning Chinese.... Because I'm going to China to work in an orphanage. Don't ask for details, I don't have them. But I know I'm going because God told me so. 

So yeah, then there's that. I'm like, I REALLY REALLY want to go to China, NOW, God! So I'm always not-so-subtly hinting at God that I, like Tintin, I'm looking for answers. I do this not-so-subtle hinting as I drive by the glorious sunset, and......yeah, God. I get the drift.

I need to slow down. 

And I get that. I know that. So I take the next turn a little slower, take a deep breath, and begin to say Psalm 139, slowly and gently. Because God is good. God is really, really, really good. And He knows exactly why I need to wait. So He gently, but firmly closes doors. And then He patiently listens while I try my hardest to work things through on my own until finally, finally I do the thing I should have done all along--call on Him. 

He doesn't always give the answers that I want, but He always gives an answer. And that is very encouraging because it means He's always listening. Even if it's just an, "Okay, Hannah. I hear you. Now take a deep breath and slowwwwwww down. Do not worry about your life." 

Worry's a bit of an addiction for me, sometimes. Seriously. It's like, I almost want to do it because at least I have control of part of the situation, right? It's so silly. 

*deep breath in, then lets it out slowly*

Wow. You know one thing I was thinking? I was thinking how the sky is not just pretty at night. And how the trees are not just pretty in the summer or even the autumn. God speaks poetry through every season, every change in lighting, in time, in life. Just as there is beauty in childhood all the way up through all stages of adulthood. I want to have a heightened sensitivity to this beauty. 

And more than that, I want to see the completion of beauty in my Savior face-to-face. How incredible will that be? Wow. I can't wait. 

Whew. That felt really good. You guys should try ranting sometime. I'd love to read it in the comments, if you so desire. :-) 

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and to God, the Lord, belong deliverances from death.
Psalm 68:19-20
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17 comments :

  1. UnknownOctober 16, 2015 at 10:41 PM

    I must say, your blog title was what initially caught my eye. Then visiting and seeing the lovely header, I mean, c'mon, I just had to take a peek. I'm an Oregon human through and through so rain and cozy sweaters and autumny colors are just so my thing.
    I am your newest blog follower btw;)

    Have a lovely weekend!
    xx

    PS: I know ALL about feeling called to go somewhere and wanting to go there NOW, but you don't have details yet, no plans as far as you know of, etc... I just really want to encourage you in waiting on the LORD. It's SO crazy hard sometimes but ultimately, His plan is the absolute BEST! And you will never, ever regret waiting on His timing <3

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 17, 2015 at 7:49 AM

      Raquel! Thank you! I'm so glad you stopped by and decided to stay! :-) If I get a bazillion followers now, I'll just have to thank Treskie for designing my header. ;-) Oregon is beautiful! I have some friends there. Sweaters, yes. All the way. :-)

      Also, thank you sooooo much for the encouragement! That was EXACTLY the reminder I needed. It's so easy to get restless and to try to push God forward. It's not possible, but it's painful for me so it's a lose-lose situation. XD But yes, wait upon the LORD. And He is faithful and will bring every good work to completion.

      Thanks again, Raquel! <3

      Delete
  2. EmbersOctober 17, 2015 at 6:26 AM

    Aaaah, this post is so gorgeous!! Boy oh boy, I know what the 'Just let me be skilled at this RIGHT NOW, please' feeling is like. Cuz... heh, uh... I'm trying to teach myself how to juggle. It's a LOT harder than I anticipated, though. XD Best of luck with learning Chinese!

    ((By the way, I found your blog through Becca at Sitting on Clouds. I am following because you are so much fun! ^^))

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    1. EmbersOctober 17, 2015 at 6:32 AM

      -________- Of course I had to mention joining your blog before actually joining it... now my computer is not letting me! I'll try again later, I promise. xP

      Delete
    2. Hannah JoyOctober 17, 2015 at 7:53 AM

      Thank you, Embers! Ooooh juggling is awesome. I have tried once or twice but I'm a klutz and definitely not dedicated enough to get any good at it! XD Good luck with that! And awesome! Becca is awesome. :-)

      And haha, don't worry about it! XD If you're still having trouble, you might need to click the blue squares on the right of the follow button.... sometimes that works if the follow button is not working.

      Delete
  3. VanessaOctober 17, 2015 at 7:09 AM

    Languages are hard to learn. It can be frustrating too but keep trying! I like when you write that God is making poetry through the seasons, that's beautiful.
    -V

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 17, 2015 at 7:53 AM

      YES THEY ARE THANK YOU! XD I needed that justifcaiton. Haha. But yes! I will keep at it! Thank you, Vanessa! <3

      Delete
  4. autumnOctober 17, 2015 at 8:02 AM

    that's so awesome that you're going to China and learning Chinese, Hannah. Like awesome. God is so amazing and His plans are plans that we've never thought of yet they come and are so brilliantly perfect. I've really never given much thought to the Chinese language, probably because it looks insanely difficult to learn and learning Spanish is more than enough for me currently. ^_^ God is really good, and this post was too.

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 17, 2015 at 8:10 AM

      Thank you, Autumn! I think it's awesome, too. God is sooooo good! Hey, I took two years of Spanish and it was hard too so I feel ya. Languages are just hard.

      Amen! And thank you. You are so sweet! <3

      Delete
  5. LaurenOctober 18, 2015 at 11:04 AM

    It is so encouraging to hear how God is working in your life, because I feel like what is going on in each of our lives and what God is putting on certain people's hearts is different, but similar at the same time.
    "He doesn't always give the answers that I want, but He always gives an answer."
    I really love this phrase. It's easier said than truly believed, but I think that there are so many times when I look back in my life and see that God didn't answer my prayer, he either 1) has something better or 2) his timing was better. I just have to slow down and trust him, and that isn't always easy. I think he's workin on all of us in this way!

    Thanks for sharing some of your wisdom and ramblings :)

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 18, 2015 at 11:52 AM

      Oh yes, I so agree! I love seeing how God is working on a bigger scale than just my own personal ways He is working.
      And yes, it is sooo hard to believe that God is giving answers. It's also hard to accept the answers that are like, "Wait" or the ways He is speaking through the trees--not particularly the yes or no to my questions, but an answer in that He is listening and showing that. If that makes any sense. XD It made more sense in my brain. Haha.

      Thank you for the lovely, thoughtful comment! :-D

      Delete
  6. JackOctober 20, 2015 at 7:41 PM

    I completely understood everything in this post. Life is hard sometimes, but God is always there. That is what has gotten me through it this far. Him and the beauty and wonders He has put into the world to remind us of Him

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 20, 2015 at 9:48 PM

      I am so glad you did, Jack! And AMEN! God is ALWAYS there. And just how He is speaking through EVERYTHING....man, yeah. I'm floored.

      Delete
  7. JessOctober 20, 2015 at 8:37 PM

    I

    LOVE

    YOU

    (Big Mark asked me the other day how I was doing being here and I was like, "I'm good." And I thought about it... "Yeah, I'm good. I mean, I miss everyone..." And all the sudden I was crying. :-P

    But the earrings on the windowsill line made me feel like I was at home. XD

    Also this post is beautiful.

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    1. Hannah JoyOctober 20, 2015 at 9:49 PM

      I

      LOVE

      YOU

      TOO

      cry

      seriously that is so sad. I MISS YOU SO BAD. :-(

      And yeah. XD seriously, there's like a pile there. I had to shut the window and then open the other one because I was too lazy to put them somewhere else. And also because I don't know where else to put them. Though hanging them on the thingy would actually help...... :-P Yeah, lazy. XD

      Also, you are amazing. <3

      Delete
    2. Cally DeclanNovember 6, 2015 at 5:44 PM

      XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HANNAH JOY YOU BAD GIRL *spanks you* so lazy XD

      Delete
    3. Hannah JoyNovember 9, 2015 at 6:46 PM

      XDDD Well it's true.

      Delete

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